Why I over eat

Until yesterday I had not realized the connection between why I eat and having fake friends. To me fake friends are the ones who are never around, they are just a number, or just someone on Facebook who never has time to spend with you. I get so tired of having many many acquaintances but when it comes down to having a few good friends that are available to spend time with their few and far in between. I don't understand why that is. Maybe it's me as a person they don't like but they're afraid to say so. Since childhood I have battled depression dealing with friends. I always want people to contact me and ask me if I wanted to do something and not the other way around like it happened so many times.

Sorry if this rambled...

Keep at it

Success isn't found. Success is made. Persistence is key. TRY HARDER! Work at it. Show yourself you can!

Struggling

     There are many reasons why I feel like I am struggling these days and it's really hard to find a way to express myself with out sounding like I am whining. For starters I feel very alone. I am a heaver runner/athlete and find it very difficult to enjoy a workout with anyone. Why? Because I have a hard time finding anyone that can workout with me. Time is a major issue for me. I live an hour away from town and that leaves me with having to drive to them or have them come up here. I get tired of always going down there and have yet to have people come up to me to take a hike/run/walk. So I try to fit it in while I am down there. Normally that is days I have class. I have tried planning with people but I suck at it. I let people know when I am planning on going but I hardly get any response. Normally it's I would but...
     In the past when I have brought up being alone to people they say that they like running alone, that it gives them time to think. I spend most of my time alone and would love company. I don't have any friends up here in the town I live in. I gave up trying to have friends up here and I am starting to feel that way in general. I DON'T FIT IN ANYWHERE. Another reason I feel like I am struggling is my weight. It's starting to improve. I find it hard to be happy for myself about my weight loss and I am constantly looking for approval from others. Sometimes a high 5 would be nice or a pat on the back. I feel invisible though.
    I had someone comment that I have a pretty face. I feel like that is saying I have a pretty face but the rest of me is questionable. It is a struggle everyday just to feel good enough about myself. Every fricken day I wake up and wish I hadn't let myself get this obese. Some of you may say she's not obese, but medically speaking I am. I want people to look at me, not single out one feature of me and think I am pretty as a whole, curves and all.

     Question time... Do you know what it's like to not care how you look because you feel like nobody sees you? Do you know what it's like wanting a loving family just to have part of your family want nothing to do with you and you feel heartbroken? Do you know how bad it hurts (emotionally) when you want to keep running but the gravity (jiggle) on your butt makes it hurt? Do you know how hard it is to keep going when you know it would be easier to quit?

I know my struggles and I have opened up to many about them just to feel like I shouldn't. Maybe someday people will see me for me because right now I feel like people don't. I'm human.